Local father of two Gary Pemberton, 67, says the secret to his success was simple: wake up, put your boots on, and refuse to acknowledge that you bought a three-bedroom colonial in 1981 for $71,000 with a union pension and a high school diploma. “Nobody handed me anything,” said Pemberton, who was handed a mortgage rate of 12% and a labor market begging for warm bodies, and somehow heard only the first part.

Pemberton says young people today are welcome to borrow his work ethic, free of charge, though it will not be accepted as a down payment on the median home, which now costs north of $400,000 while wages have crawled up roughly 15% since the 1970s once you adjust for inflation. “Just don’t give up,” he added, technically true, spiritually unhinged.

Pemberton also blames “the libs” for ruining the country, citing as evidence things he has not researched, including unions, which he was in, and housing policy, which built his house.